Rock, Wrestling, and Great White Sharks

Since as early as I can remember (I'm talking, like, five years old) there are only two things that I've ever wanted to do. Play Rock-n-Roll, and be a Pro Wrestler.

My earliest memory of emulating a bona-fide 'star' was taking my little acoustic guitar, slipping on my Dad's leather boots, putting the Goodbye Yellow Brick Road record on the turntable, dropping the needle on Bennie And The Jets, and singing it at full volume while prancing around the front room putting on a 'show' for whoever happened to be in the house at the time.

Sometime in the next year or so, I discovered my brother's Kiss Alive record, and I alternated between being Ace Frehley* and Gene Simmons (my friend Terry was either Paul Stanley or Peter Criss at any given time) in my front room 'shows'. I was probably six when I bought my first record with my own money; Destroyer by Kiss.

*Up until I did a James Brown tribute with my band Red Star Memorial in 2001 or so, the only two things I had ever been for Halloween were a makeup and dress wearing girl, or Ace Frehley.

Sometimes, though, I would tire of my Kiss charade and want to get *really* crazy. Even though it was my Mom's single, I would wait until everyone was out of the house, in fear of getting in trouble, and put on Alice Cooper's Go To Hell.

I played the tennis racket until I finally got a bass guitar at 15, and it was the most natural thing in the world.

I was watching pro wrestling via the Don Owens Portland Wrestling show since as early as I can remember. I can remember watching Jimmy Snuka, Jesse Ventura, and Stan Stasiak on t.v., and they were all out of the promotion by the mid-seventies, so I can only surmise that I've been watching wrestling since I popped from the womb.

The greatest feud in Portland Wrestling was the 'Playboy' Buddy Rose vs. 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper war. I loved Roddy, and a few years later when he showed up as a 'bad guy' for the nationally syndicated WWF, I cheered for him anyway. In fact, I remember in 1984 (or '85?) going to Memorial Auditorium in Sacramento and being the only kid in the entire place cheering for Piper as he battled Andre the Giant.

My affection with the rule breakers stemmed earlier though. After Piper lost a loser-leaves-town match to Rose in Portland (that sent Piper packing to the Carolinas territory a few years before his WWF stint), I oddly found myself cheering for the Playboy. My friend Scott was mad at me about it, and since we were more like brothers anyway, would fight about it come Saturday night as I was rooting for the bad guy, and he was rooting for the good guy.

My friend Steve made a comment about the ten year anniversary of Never Mind The Bollocks coming up, and even though I had been listening to punk rock for a few years (the first two punk records I had gotten into were My Beach by the Surf Punks, and Damaged by Black Flag in the Summer of '82), it was getting Bollocks that made me want to *play* punk rock.

I had never played guitar before, but I borrowed my sister's boyfriend's Dean Flying V anyway, figured out how to play power chords, and learned Bollocks front to back. Of course, that came in handy when the Knockoffs did a Sex Pistols tribute a few years ago.

I joined my first band, lovingly called Gism Head, just after I turned 17 and never looked back. I knew for certain I just wanted to play Rock-n-Roll.

I hadn't watched wrestling since about 1990, but I found myself single and living alone in '96 when, flipping through channels, saw Hulk Hogan on the television. Now Hulk had always been the perennial good guy (of course, his main adversary at the height of 'Hulkamania' was Roddy Piper, so I always booed him), but when I stopped and watched him this night, he was now the bad guy. I started watching every Monday just to see what was going on.

Naturally, I never told anyone that I was 25 and watching wrestling again. Until, that is, I got an l.p. by a Sacramento band called the Knockoffs, and in the area after the last song's grooves end, were etched the words 'Ban The Heartpunch'.

The Heartpunch was Stan 'The Man' Stasiak's brutal and life threatening move; a punch to the heart. Fans screamed for it's ban every time Stan laid into another unsuspecting fan favorite.

I saw Tom, the singer of the Knockoffs, in, of all places, the Stag Bar in Woodland at a Groovie Ghoulies show. Having never talked to him before, I approached cautiously and said "are you a Stan Stasiak fan?", and with that, I talked wrestling with someone for the first time in well over ten years.

Fast forward about a year, and by this time I've joined his band, met Danny, and found that I have two wrestling fans to talk with.

Danny got involved with a promotion out of San Francisco called Incredibly Strange Wrestling, and after making his mark, brought Tom and I along for a match at the famed Filmore in front of 1,000 screaming, tortilla throwing lunatics.

We approached a Sacramento based promotion called Supreme Pro Wrestling about being apart of the show, and based on our big mouths, they agreed to train us on how to actually be Pro Wrestlers.

I never finished training, but found my niche on the mic, and became one half of the voice of the promotion for several years.

So, I never got to an Elton/Kiss/Alice level of rock stardom, but after I discovered punk rock, doubt that was ever my intent anyway. I'd be lying if I didn't say that making a living would have been pretty great though, but I have done some very cool things over the years.

I've put out several very good and/or great records, toured the U.S., Europe, and Japan, and was in two (if not three or four) of the greatest bands to ever come out of Sacramento.

I never got to the Piper/Hogan/Ventura level of 'the Business', but I was involved in a promotion that was the punk rock equivalent of a wrestling promotion, and got to learn things the right way from one of the best in the industry. I'd be lying if I didn't say that it still haunts me that I never made it through training and didn't have just that one singles match.

But hey, I've got at least two, and maybe even three, good albums left in me, and if I decide that my 36 year old body can take a beating, have been told many times that I'd be welcomed back into training again.

All of this, though, is leading to what was suppose to be the focus of this blog. Sometimes my mind starts wandering; you'll have to forgive me.

There are only two things I've ever wanted to *be*, but there are only two things that I really want to *do* at this point in my life.

The first is to orbit the Earth's atmosphere. I'm not sure how I plan to pull that off, other than to live long enough that recreational space travel is a reality, but, you know, we were supposed to living like the Jetsons by now, so the thought of interplanetary space travel is probably just as far fetched.

The second thing is to touch the nose of a Great White shark.

The only thing stopping me from that is, well, me I suppose. The hurdles involved are many though; I've never been in a boat in the ocean, I get motion sickness by just turning a corner in a car, and, I'm pretty sure, sharks scare the crap out of me.

I dream about luring a shark up to the side of the boat with chum, grabbing his nose, and watching him freeze in paralysis as he falls back in the water. I wanted to find video of that, because it is an amazing site, but alas, came up empty. I've compiled a list of Great White related things for your viewing pleasure though, so I hope you enjoy.

The Farallon Islands are probably the closest and best bet for Great White viewing here in Northern California, being just 27 miles past the Golden Gate. Northern Elephant Seals come here to mate, and the sharks follow closely to feed.

In looking up info on the islands, I saw that the last known sighting of Humphrey the Humpback Whale was here in 1991. When he swam up the Sacramento River in '85, the furthest point he reached was a little town I used to drive to at dusk when I lived in Dixon in the Summer of 2003 called Rio Vista. Small world, huh?

Here's a shark feeding frenzy/orgy that is both awe inspiring, and perhaps the first Great White erection caught on film (they've never been seen mating).

California Great Whites are the biggest of all Great Whites, feeding on the bigger elephant seal.

South American Great Whites are smaller, but have an awesome ariel attack, feeding off surface dwelling seals. The following two clips, despite having a moronic title, are simply breathtaking.

Air Jaws 1

Air Jaws 2

If you enjoyed any part of this post, please leave a comment so I know it wasn't all in vain. Heck, leave a comment if you think this whole link-fest is the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen.

More Vanity

My presence on youtube.

The Mr. T Experience live at Slim’s in San Francisco in the Summer of 2005. In three parts.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

With 7 Seconds in Europe.
Young Til I Die from Vienna.
Not Just Boy’s Fun/This Is The Angry from Vienna.
Here’s the DVD from that tour. Someone should buy it for me since I’m too broke these days.

Playing keyboards for the Helper Monkeys, acoustic, in Sacramento on the Groovie Ghoulies song School’s Out.

Kevin shot this video of Tom and Dan playing with a ductape ball at 5:00 in the morning outside the old True Love Coffeehouse. If you listen closely, you can hear a faint giggle from me in the background.

Matt shot this video of me playing solo at Cesar Chavez park in Sacramento in 2006.

Not sure if this is a classic, but it oughta be.

Playboy

One of my all time favorite wrestlers, Playboy Buddy Rose is about 10 years past his prime when destroying this rinky-dink ring.

HOF

In 2006, the Sacramento Music Awards inducted the Knockoffs into the Hall of Fame. In lieu of an acceptance speech, they asked inductees to make a short video acceptance.

I played Director for the day, Editor for the night, and this is what we came up with.

My apologies to Benny Hill.

Mojo

Me and Chuck Berry’s amp. I got up close and personal during sound-check when the Haints opened up for Chuck in the Summer of 2006.

Me and my buddy.

Look what I found in St. Louis.

Test

New blog for the new year.