Original Sin

There is a new music blog looming on the horizon, and upon hearing about it, prompted me to have at least one entry dedicated to music, and share one of my favorite stories.

Sometime around the end of 1985 or beginning of 1986, my friend Ken and I made one of our monthly trips to the Record Vault on Polk Street in San Francisco, a haven of all things Metal; records, posters, and a much talked about 'Demo' cassette section.

There would always be a colorful assortment of Underground Metalheads hanging out and, of course, band members.

Lars Ulrich was in the store hanging out with the owners and talking about working on the follow up to the Metallica album Ride The Lightning (the album they were putting the finishing touches on would become Master Of Puppets).

Ken asked Lars to sign a poster he just bought, to which Lars replied "For a small financial contribution." He was a dick. Really. When Ken pointed to himself on the poster he was having him sign (it was a live shot), Lars couldn't have cared any less. I suppose that's fine, he can act however he'd like, but it just made us comment about how big of a jerk he was.

My favorite Record Vault story doesn't involve Metallica though, even though being 15, talking with one of the members of one of my favorite bands at the time while they were working on an album that would eventually stay on an endless loop for much of 1986 is probably pretty great, it can't top our chance meeting with the band Sin.

We met Steve Johnson and Dave Kong the day they were bringing their freshly printed single to the store for sale. (I have to admit shock at finding a link here, and makes this post even more grand, and really, should probably warrant a post devoted entirely to Mr. Kong)



"Can we get you to autograph it?" we asked. Unlike Lars, they were cool and proudly signed what was sure to be a much sought after limited release single someday.



Check out that photo shoot; marble busts, goblets, columns, cobra statues, and grapes. Good Lord (ha!) this photo shoot has it all!

As Ken and I made our way back over the Bay Bridge, we had a laugh talking about the silly declarations of the autographs; mine with Religion Sucks, and Ken's with an even more simply stated Fuck God.

Of course, that didn't even come close to preparing us for what the record itself looked like. I think Ken about drove right off of the bridge as I pulled the vinyl from it's sleeve.



The funny thing about putting this post together is how familiar the songs are and how well worn the single is.

The 'A' Side

Damn The Preacher

The 'B' Side

Night Caller

I guess the joke's on me though. I thought the boys were just following the fad in Metal of the day, but Dave Kong is still flying that flag. Oh yeah, he's still flying that God-awful (ha! again) haircut too.

Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

It's been all downhill since.

I Said "Ouch! This Really Hurts."

After Terry broke my front tooth in half with his wooden leg, and after I jumped off of his roof and broke both of my arms and ruptured my spleen, and after I spent about a month in the hospital, and after I had to relearn to walk, and after I got home and my dog Buddy bit off half of my face, and after I sat in the Doctor's Office yet again and made my Mom cry by asking her when this was going to end, and after four of the worst weeks a nine year old kid could have, my Dad bought me a soccer ball.

Life wasn't so bad after all.

The (kind of) Funnies

I’m working on a record (and that sentence alone can be taken with a grain of salt, I suppose, since I’ve been ‘working’ on this thing since December of 2004), and last night as I was dozing off at my desk around midnight, analyzing another mix of a song that I’ve listened to a thousand times, I made my exit out of Pro-Tools, and found my way to youtube.

The reoccurring theme here on the blog seems to be ‘Playboy’ Buddy Rose, and I guess that’s a result of my endless searches for any and all video footage of him on the site (the youtube site, that is). I stumbled upon a bizarre cartoon that features the voices of, not only the beloved Playboy, but of other 70’s wrestling stars Percy Pringle, Ed Wiskoski,and Les Thatcher.

Ned Noodlebody is a cartoon made by some guy named Mr. Kurt Nielsen, about a hapless pro wrestler. I’m still not entirely sure if this is ‘vintage’ or if he’s made this thing recently. Judging from the talent pool he assembled, and the style of cartoon (I’m pretty sure it’s *not* flash animation), all indications point to the former. I could be wrong, though. It’s happened before.

Enjoy(?).

Ripped Off

I invented something, but really, it can be said that my friend Dan and I invented it together, and made it the most hilarious thing in the world.

We even conned a lot of our friends into doing it, or into being unwitting participants by stealing their cameras, doing our 'thing', and leaving them to discover our pure genius later when viewing their photos.

Some call it Shake Face, some call it Jiggly Face, but whatever the name, everyone acknowledges the inventors, and that together, we made it 'famous' within this town and beyond.

My favorite of me became my myspace default photo. Paloma calls it Duckface:



One of my favorites of Dan:



My friend Erin emailed me a link to a website the other day. Jowlers.com rips us off, and gives us absolutely no credit.

Total, and utter, bullshit. *We* invented it. *We* made it funny. someone else takes credit.

Years ago, the Knockoffs played at the Troubadour in L.A., and after the gig (we were still pretty wound up) Dan, Tom, and I invented something else.

It started as a simple request; "Hey Dan, suplex me onto the bed." With that, we cracked ourselves up at 3:00 a.m. capturing each other on film in mid-flight from bed to bed.

Ted Angel made a book about the Knockoffs, with people close to the band telling their favorite Knockoffs stories. I told the story of the night our brilliant concept came together at the Farmer's Daughter Hotel.

Here's proof that we were/are the funniest band on the planet. A couple of photos, one of Tom H. flying effortlessly, and another as he's about to administer the dreaded Flying Elbow Drop.





Years later, I stumbled upon this site, bedjump.com.

Again, total and utter bullshit. *We* invented it. *We* made it funny. someone else takes credit.

Originators rarely get their due, I suppose, but the originals are always, without question, seen as the best by those truly in the know.

You Oughta Be In Pictures

An extremely great story about the Almost-Iranian-Hostages, and their CIA led escape. Story from Wired (via metafilter).

A 'cute' slideshow.

On a, somewhat, related note, here's another story of a covert CIA mission involving a vessel owned by Howard Hughes. I probably saw it several times crossing the Benicia Bridge when it was 'mothballed' at Suisan Bay with the Naval Reserve Fleet.

The Flying Dutchman

I can't sleep, and I haven't posted in a few days, so here's a picture of Dutch Savage for you. His official site is a great read too, if you're so inclined.

Here, Dutch clenches his fist in the dreaded Coal Miners Glove, the spoils of being the first to capture the glove from a pole, and turning to use it on his opponent. This was called, simply enough, a Coal Miners Glove Match, invented by Dutch himself.

Oscar The Grouch Drives A Van

Have you taken a look at Keith Lowell Jensen's new website, trulyawfulstuff.com?

As usual, from this great mind of I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy, he slays me over and over.

While the awful stuff referenced is more of the 'awfully tacky' variety, I came across something I find disturbingly awful today.  

The company I work for has an automotive glass division. My co-worker had the pleasure of working on this van today.

The first picture here doesn't show quite the magnitude of this fellow's cigarette ash collection in the step next to the driver's seat, but if you look close, you can make out a soft drink lid being engulfed within.



The next picture shows (and again, I must stress that these pictures just don't do the scene justice) our clean living friend's collection of dispensed coffee in poker cups (the paper cups are adorned with a 'hand' of poker) an endless array of empty McDonald's bags, and various other forms of refuse sharing the cabin of the van.



Here, another view from the front to the back, with my jovial co-worker Sal (the lucky guy working on the van) waving enthusiastically (with latex gloves on, naturally).



And lastly, a view from Sal's vantage point from the last photo. the 'Rags In A Box' seem to keep the trash from impeding the use of the rear of the van which, although not evidenced by this photo, was covered in leaves and other earth derived debris.

If you look closely to the left, and past the glare of the window, you'll see a bulging green garbage bag.

My theory is that he knew someone would be working on his van, so he decided to tidy up a bit.



Anyone who knows me, even remotely, will have no trouble believing that when the van was first brought to my attention, I immediately began gagging and dry heaving, much to all of my co-workers' delight.

I wonder what the bucket's for.

Click the photos for a larger view.

Can You Live This Fantasy Life?

My fantasy baseball team is a lot of fun, although I'm getting killed in the pitching stats.

I was too late adding Gil Meche on Monday after Loaiza was finally put on the 15 day DL, and of course Meche turned in a monstrous day, pitching seven innings and giving up only one earned run.

Ted was really the one that turned me on to the guy on draft day, and I'd been chomping at the bit to pick him up after Loaiza didn't make his start against the River Cats last Thursday.

A.J. Burnett's 27.0 ERA, along with Justin Duchscherer and Derek Lowe each sporting a 13.5 average, made Joe Borowski's 9.0 average not seem so bad. Thankfully, my number one pitching pick. Daisuke Matsuzaka, pitched a beautiful seven innings, Armando Benitez picked up his first save, and the afforementioned Duchscherer picked up a win tonight. My pitching staff might actually be coming around.

One of the last picks I made was for my starting second baseman. A big time sleeper, I saw potential, but I have to admit, I picked him because we went to the same high school (though twelve or so years apart). Dustin Pedroia of the Red Sox is pulling through for me in a big way, leading all of my batters with .500 average.

Two more days of week one, and if my bats stay hot, and the earned runs come down, I could actually have a shot of sitting atop the league.

Wreslemania 23 (and #3, too)

Wrestlemania is two hours away. It's the 23rd installment, and I remember Wrestlemania III twenty years ago like it was, well, twenty years ago. Ha! All kidding aside, it seems like it was only just a few years ago.

Wrestlemania III is famous for a few things in wrestling circles, the most famous being the Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant match in which Hogan body slammed Andre, the first time in his career that the move had ever been initiated on the Giant.



The 450 pound King Kong Bundy attacked midget wrestler (or little person wrestler, if you will) Little Beaver.



Ricky Steamboat defeated Randy 'Macho Man' Savage in possibly the greatest match in Wrestlemania history. It's certainly my favorite, and it's one of the rare occurrences in wrestling fan geek-dom that most everyone agrees on it's (the match's) brilliance.

Part 1



Part 2



Alice Cooper made an appearance with Jake 'the Snake' Roberts.

I'll leave you with a bit of 'Mania trivia: Howard Finkel is the only person to ever appear on every single Wrestlemania Pay Per View, something not even Vince McMahon has done.